Accidents Happen!
So before I post, the point of this blog is to try and be funny without making fun of anybody which I've noticed is incredibly hard for me to do.

Well if you haven't heard I'm on a "diet." Yah yah, Weight Watchers isn't a "diet." Listen, if I can't eat a fucking Big Mac without worrying how many calories or fat grams are in it - it's a diet!

So anyway, I kind of got off topic,

The whole diet thing, Well I switched to the Momentum plan and there are like guide lines you have to meet to become a more better and healthy YOU. (LOL) Okay, so the first thing is trying to drink eight 8oz  glasses of water a day. I'm usually between 6 and 8, but the more I drink the more I have to use the bathroom. (What goes up must come down?)

Okay well this leads to a new problem: The Bathroom. Sometimes I have to go so bad because of all this yummy water I've been consuming that I worry that I won't make it to the bathroom in time.

I've noticed that when I'm booking ass to the bathroom and I notice the toilet seat is down.. it's like a dead end. A red alert. The toliet seat should be up so I can sit ASAP without making a mess!!!

What's even worse is when I KNOW the seat is down, and I know as soon as I open the bathroom door I have about 2.3 seconds to get my pants down, the seat up, and my ass on the toliet before an accident happens!

I guess it's kind of the same way if you have the shits. It's all fun and games until you pull into your drive way. It's like the closer you get your house to let loose, the worse the pressure gets and the tighter your butthole clenches. Well my friend, your butthole can only clench for so long. Granted it's strong, but it doesn't train for this kind of shit.

Accidents Happen!